This is a story from before I became a clown, when I was called Laurence.
I was born as the first child of royalty, with a King as my father and a First-ranked Saint as my mother, so I could say I was extremely blessed.
Furthermore, I had a younger brother who was two years younger than me, and we got along well, so I was blessed with a good family.
My father was busy working as king and was rarely able to be with me, but my mother would find time to be by my side instead.
However, because my mother was also the First-ranked Saint, she always took priority when she had business as a saint, but I accepted that as something that couldn't be helped.
However, this kind of life was only permitted before one was old enough to understand.
Since it was destined for me to become the next king from the moment I was born, I started studying royal studies as soon as I turned three, which meant I had less time to spend with my family.
On the other hand, Savis, who was considered a spare in case something happened to me, was still required to study, but had relatively free time, so he continued to spend a lot of time with my mother as usual.
Even as a child I was envious of this, and my favorite phrase at the time was, "Savis is great."
Of course, I wasn't serious when I said that, it was just a bit of a joke, but one day, Cyril, who was visiting the royal castle, said the same thing, "Your Highness is great."
However, what he said was not a joke like what I said, but something very serious.
"I'm glad Prince Laurence has Prince Savis. I've always wanted a little brother, but my mother told me, 'A duke doesn't need a spare.'"
After saying that, my cousin Cyril looked dejected and bowed his head.
He had heard that the Duchess of Sutherland was prone to emotional outbursts, but he never imagined she would hurl such harsh words at her own son.
When I asked her about it in more detail, she said that she was criticized for "inheriting nothing from me," pointing out that if a woman married a member of the royal family, she would never have a daughter.
"Don't hit where it hurts."
I distorted my face and said only that.
The Duchess of Sutherland's words were spot on.
"Your clan is treating the saints as disposable."
——It is not my intention to treat the saint poorly, but just as the duchess said, the saint who married into the royal family did not give birth to a daughter and was unable to pass on any of her saintly qualities to the next generation.
Therefore, when the saint was accused of being "disposable," we royals had no words to refute.
The Duchess of Sutherland was my mother's sister.
I had heard that at the time the First-ranked Saint selection meeting was held, she was the most powerful saint.
However, because she was too young to become the king's wife, her mother, who was a comparable age, was chosen by First-ranked Saint to give her more prestige as the one to become queen.
A saint took great pride in being a saint.
Therefore, while it was understandable that she must have felt frustrated at having to settle for second in rank despite being the most powerful saint, it seemed wrong for her to direct her anger at her own son.
"Cyril, then why don't you come to the royal castle and play with Savis? I've been studying a lot lately and I don't have much time to spend with Savis, so you can experience the feeling of being brothers instead. That said, you and Savis are the same age, so it might not feel like you're his brother."
Cyril nodded happily at what I said, his expression befitting a person his age, and I inwardly sighed in relief.
Then I thought of the proud saints I had met in the past.
Although there were differences in degree, Cyril's mother's attitude might not be unusual.
Basically, the saints considered themselves to be the chosen ones, and always put themselves above all else.
Maybe my mother was special.
Like the Duchess of Sutherland, she could have rejected the idea by saying, "Royalty uses disposable saints. There is no need for a spare." Instead, she gave birth to her second child, Savis, and cherished him.
At that time, I never doubted the depth of my mother's love and truly believed that I had been born into such a happy family.
However, there was someone I had been attracted to since I was a child.
This was Colette, the younger sister of my childhood friend, Lloyd Alcott.
At the time, I was tired of my daily life of studying imperial law, so whenever I got the chance I would sneak out of the royal castle to visit the Duke of Alcott's house.
There I met a girl three years younger than me; she was honest, emotional, and she loved me very much—her name was Colette.
Even though she was the daughter of a duke, she cooked because "I want Laurence to eat it" and knitted clothes because "I want Laurence to wear it."
When Colette was nine years old, she brought in a meat dish that looked suspicious.
"Lord Laurence, I've brought you some treats! It's a meaty soup that boys love." (Colette)
"Thank you, Colette. May I try it now? Looking closely, the meat has a unique color, green and purple meat… what on earth did you use in this?" (Laurence)
"These are the basilisks and help vipers that the knights hunted down." (Colette)
"I see, lizard and snake. Meat is meat, but I would have preferred four-legged meat. No, I'm sorry. It was extremely rude of me to complain after you went to the trouble of cooking for me. It seems like I was scared by the poisonous color... Did you know that hell vipers are poisonous? Colette, please prepare some medicine for the stomachache just in case." (Laurence)
After eating the food, I was bedridden for two days, but thanks to that I was able to gain some resistance to poison.
"As expected of Colette. Royalty always runs the risk of being poisoned. To think that she would grant me poison resistance." (Colette)
I tried to encourage her so that she wouldn't mind, but she became so upset that she went into the dark dungeon of the royal castle.
"I have done something terrible to you, Laurence. So, I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on my actions." (Colette)
Although Colette could be quite quick to jump to conclusions, she was also basically simple-minded and easily deceived, so breaking her out of the cell was easy with just a little drama.
Therefore, when she left the dungeon, I nonchalantly guided her to a warm room, but deep down I was astonished that a duke's daughter would be so audacious as to enter a dimly lit dungeon lined with straw instead of a noble's prison.
I looked at her sitting on the sofa with her head down, she had a lot of straw stuck in her hair, her face was swollen from crying, and she was crying.
Maybe she looked the cutest in the world even when she looked like that, so I began to feel a sense of resignation that I really loved her.
Ah, with Colette by my side, my world would always be a happy place...
——So, my fervent prayers were answered.
At the age of 10, Colette was recognized as a saint through the Sainthood Examination.
Since she was not found to be a saint when she was examined at the age of three, and was only confirmed as such when she was examined at the age of ten, it was predicted that she would not be a powerful saint, but that was of no concern.
The only restriction for royalty was that he must marry a saint.
Therefore, as soon as I found out that she was a saint, I knelt down there and proposed to her.
"Daughter of the Duke, Colette Alcott, please become the wife of Laurence Näv." (Laurence)
"Yes! I will, I want to, please let me! I will definitely make you happy, Laurence!" (Colette)
After answering that, Colette burst into a smile, as if a flower had bloomed.
Colette always gave me more words and happiness than I could ever hope for.
I'd been watching Colette since she was born and I know that she was more honest and compassionate than anyone else.
Colette always showed her affection wholeheartedly, never hiding her feelings, and so among the nobles, all of whom had their own motives and schemes, she was the only one he could trust would never betray him, no matter what.
So I thought that if I could just marry her, I would be happy, but there was just one obstacle standing in my way.
The only "rule for royalty" was to marry a saint, but being born as the first child into the royal family meant there were additional restrictions.
In other words, since it had been decided that I would become the next king, I was required to marry First-ranked Saint.
Therefore, until Colette was selected as First-ranked Saint, it was not certain that she would become my queen, but at the time, I was optimistic and did not think it was a big problem.
In fact, my mother, the current First-ranked Saint, was only the second most powerful person, but she was chosen as the First-ranked Saint because she was "the one who would become the king's queen."
If that was the case, I had no doubt that if I made it clear that I would not marry anyone other than Colette, she would definitely be chosen as First-ranked Saint.
At least until then, there had never been a time when my heartfelt wish as the crown prince had not been fulfilled.
That's why I believed at the time that anything I wished for could come true.